Fear...less.

[[march 14, 2011]]

On the way home from Buah Hati today, I realized something. Looking out around me at the beautiful green that seems as though it is constantly changing but retaining its alluring character, I realized my greatest fear. I am afraid of remaining stagnant: that I will not continue to grow but just remain in this place. I do not want to be that one tree on the street that has lost all its branches [from landscapers and convenience] because it was too stubborn and secure in its ways to be uprooted.

I want to be willing to bud new life and intertwine my roots with others. I want to be cut down and used for different missions, people, and things all over. I want to drop seeds and see the wind carry them away to produce futures and hopes and dreams [I think that is why I am a teacher]. I want to wear flowers and change colors along with the changing winds and seasons and face them strong and sturdy. I want to grow taller and closer to Christ's heart <3. At the end of my life, i desire for people, and my Heavenly Father (front and center!) to yell "Timber" as if truly cheering "Here she comes! I cannot wait to see her again." Then, even after I'm gone, I still want to be given out and used in Christ's name to help others grow.

Yet, as I realized today all through this familiar but new trip to my home in Indonesia, I am afraid that I will not push. I am fearful that I will become lazy or incapable of development.

So often, I find myself picking up various things or adapting to situations rather quickly...I am a fast learner. What about three weeks later though? Well, here's what I know: "He gives strength to the weary and to those who lack might, He increases power." If I ever hope to overcome this fear, I must first give it up to God and fully lean on Him. He will supply...and I must also lean on those around me and learn from them.

Growth is on the horizon and I can most def see it! Let's go chase it down now. Let's pick up this old tree and sprint towards it with branches out-stretched and weaved in all sort of different communities and situations.

Then, let's set up substantial roots and see how Christ can develop, fortify, and multiply over time. There's so much in store, so let's get to it and start CONQUERING this fear. Shoot....it don't got a chance!

~Lin Lou