October 7, 2010
Today is the day! I am currently, as in right NOW on a plane to LAX which connects to Sydney, which connects to New Zealand! AHHHH! God has been so good thus far (and always) in guiding my journey and footsteps in student teaching. He has certainly taught me the meaning of being faithful to my calling.
I left my first eight weeks at Converse ad packed up my life in Indiana. You know, at first it was not a big deal. I went into school with no high hopes or expectations: without any sadness or excitement. IT just felt like any other day. It felt like my routine from the past eight weeks. Sure! I was happy to see my kids, but I was also happy to have a half-day. The past few weeks or so I have been questioning if traditional teaching was the path for me. I was double-guessing myself and feeling very concerned about my levels of seeming apathy. Christ has truly taken a hug role in fusing me with passion again! I have been reading through the Psalms again during my student teaching. I have not read through them since Lake Ann! WOW! What revelations! I am reading someone else’s journals to our Heavenly Father. This has truly made me stop and consider how I approach the throne of Grace and my Majestic Savior!
He began to reveal how we are all children of God. This is how we should approach our Savior: in abandon of everyone’s expectations and with wonder in our eyes. We should approach Him and look at Him with that same AWE a child has at Christmas, a father has after fixing the kitchen sink (pride), or how a mom looks at her child, her baby while leaving him in a different state for his first big break. We should see God as a boy sees his bride walking down the aisle, as a photographer who captures the sheer JOY of that sacred moment, or as a father putting a flower in her hair for the last time. It should be like one of second graders getting a new silly band or realizing that someone cares deeply and believes in them even when everything else seems to be turned upside down and is streaking towards the earth. THAT is how we should approach the throne of grace.
Throughout this semester, God has given me glimpses of His face in unexpected places and ways: through my children, through laughs and hugs and tears from their small persons, through my business and work, and through my family and friends. Yesterday, I was SO blessed to receive another little, yet awe-rendering view of Him!
As I said before, God has truly been faithful in redirecting my focus during this students teaching experience. Yesterday was no exception. I went in apathetic and to be honest, a little numb to all my closing in circumstances. We celebrated my time there with a breakfast party. All the children had also made me cards. They presented these to me and then I led them down to lunch for the last time before December. I did this the way I love to, with my arms out in an airplane motion with the children following me. Then, as I stood at the entrance to the lunchroom, I was again surprised when every single one of my students gave me hugs and tears on their way in. Yes, this was wonderful, yet I still did not feel the loss, the bittersweet in this capstone day. Mrs. H commented about if I was “a wreck yet.” I gave her a hug goodbye and thanked her for everything. Then, I went to the classroom to pack up all my things. I wrote a letter to Mrs. H and as I walked out of the door, it hit me. This was FOR REALS the last time I would walk to my car covered in leaves and drive away from e little hopeful faces. I made it all for about a block before the water works began. The floodgates opened up (seriously). You know what though, this gave me a MASSIVE glimpse into my Father’s faithful face. “I will lead you, your heart will church within you,” He says. IT SO DID!!! I have been questioning these last few weeks whether or not I should actually go into classroom teaching. That’s huge. I questioned whether or not that passion was still there. With all of the churning within my heart after leaving my kids and the resulting water running down my cheeks, Christ Affirmed HIS calling on my life. The passion is evident: it is written all over my action, mind, heart, and face. I pray now, as I am on the plane that He would prepare my heart and my eyes to see His shadows and glimpses. When I look at the kids in my classroom, I want to see Christ and I want them to also see His light drenching my whole person.
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